Hey OkCupid, you just lost a 9 year customer. Here’s why:

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About a month ago I found myself unable to login to my account. I couldn’t even reset my account. All I got was a message saying “Sorry, we’re having technical difficulties right now. Check back later.”

I did a Google search for that string and discovered this “technical difficulties” message is what you display when you ban accounts. Seriously?? You banned my account? I’ve used the site pretty much since it came out. I’ve answered pretty much every question in the quizzes you’ve used in your market research studies, I’ve had paid subscription, I’ve even successfully used the site to find matches that turned into relationships and recommended it to others.

I’ve given you a chance to correct this mistake. I’ve sent two messages through the “feedback” form asking for an explanation about my banning because I’m certain it’s a mistake.

But I’ve heard nothing back in a month, so it’s clear that you don’t value customers who have been using your service for almost a decade. I guess it is just as well. Your platform had a good idea back in 2004 with the personality test matching, but I know you’ve gotten rid of those profiles anyway. To be honest, your service began going downhill every since you were bought by InterActiveCorp so I guess it’s not completely surprising to think some bot is probably running the whole site.

I’ll tell you what I won’t miss: needing to spend an hour every day looking through the search results trying to find a potential date. I also won’t miss writing a 3 paragraph message to dozens of girls, because only .05% of them will actually respond; partly because they are spammed by dudes, but mostly because a lot of the women on the site are stuck up. I can say this with confidence because in the 9 years of profile-reading I’ve done, the majority of women request an ideal guy who is at least 5’9″. If you happen to be just a’bit below the average height, they won’t even talk to you. I also wish you’d have added some more filters; I realize I’m 30 now and a lot of women in my age range have children from past failed relationships, but I don’t want to date a single mother. I’ve tried, and it turned out exactly like I thought it would with all the drama between three families. I’ll never do it again, yet I can’t filter out women who have kids from my OkCupid search results, resulting in more wasted time trying to find a match.

I was on the fence about leaving the site because in almost a decade you’ve done jack to improve the user experience. Thanks for making the decision to leave easier by showing you don’t care about me as a customer anyway, and can’t be bothered to even explain why my account was spontaneously banned.

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  • Brad Jones

    wuss

  • BondSan

    as with everything else that is ‘women’, online dating is illogical and haphazard. More so than real life, women are bombarded with low class guys just say ‘hey’ ‘yo’ or ‘what’s up’. According to several studies on statistics from OKCupid, women are more likely to rate men lower than when men rate women’s profiles. The ‘paradox of choice’ plays a big part as there are just so many men contacting these women that the women begin to feel that they are beautiful or special and then their expectations go up. They are placed in a position of ‘judging’ applicants and eventually become unrealistic in their desires. Online dating is like an exaggerated bar scene where everyone is drunk and the men are just indiscriminately approaching women. The women shut down and put up walls, and the one guy they DO want doesn’t want them so they take it out on all the other guys. Yes there are success stories, but more often than not it brings out the worst in each gender… males that are indiscriminate and aggressive, females that are ‘too good’ for everyone. Carey, It’s better that you are off that site, meeting people is really just chance, it can’t be expedited. One of the few areas in life that as a man you can’t ‘fix’ the problem, because as I said in the beginning, you are dealing with females.

  • Funny that you should find this post. I recently made a new account and a girl reached out to me. We seemed to have really great chemistry on the phone, so we arranged a date after one of my Saturday morning meetings.

    But the girl canceled 30 minutes before we were to meet and has never replied back to me. I wish I hadn’t already drove an hour to get to the other side of Austin to meet her. I can only assume she met someone more desirable to her via OkCupid, or in person, or whatever.

    I remember reading an article awhile back about a girl who went on an OkCupid date with a Magic: The Gathering champion, and she made fun of him in her article. What she left out was that he’s also a successful VC, apparently.

    At any rate there’s no way I’m doing a paid account with OkCupid ever again, and I’m not filling out all those personality test questions either.

  • BondSan

    Men are disposable, because another one comes along sooner than later. This is the mistake women make in their thought process. They are right to an extent, as a female you are born rich, everyone wants you, everyone accepts you, everyone wants to give you stuff… you need not be an actress or a millionaire. Men are born ‘poor’, you have nothing, you must make something of yourself or no woman is going to give you a chance. Women during their teens and reproductive years forget that their incidental advantage is limited by time. Once they choose the wrong guy and have children and then have a failed relationship, they cannot be as abrasive or brash in their ways. Men on the other hand, usually, become more and more accomplished as they advance in age and thus become more attractive. This is why young girls will label older guys with younger girls as being perverted, because it threatens their sense of power and quite possibly reminds them that at that ‘old’ man’s age they would not be as attractive to the opposite sex. Every criticism of a man’s behavior old and young, is based out of female fears and insecurities. Unfortunately if you want to marry and have children you have to deal with the reproductive age female who’s decision making prowess is clouded by the sheer quantity of applicants. Usually they make the wrong decision, based on vanity and then end up blaming the man who THEY chose.

    Your date canceled on you with 30 min notice because she doesn’t respect you, and most likely all men. Most people would jump to defend her, but the reality is that this happens all the time. All I can say is that it’s OK. For her another guy will come along same day, if she didn’t have one already. For you it may take months… at least YOU will appreciate the next girl, where as she will probably just treat the next guy like shit. C’est la vie my friend. Time is on your side, life will be kinder to you in the long run. Trust me.

  • I don’t think all women feel the sense of entitlement you describe, but I do think many women do. There’s a lot of guys that way as well though.

    I think people in general just kind of suck when it comes to dating. I think our generations have gotten a’bit more selfish than prior generations since technology has removed a lot of the daily hardship from human existence, allowing people to focus on pleasures. Which is good in that people are happier, but bad in that society is getting a’bit fragmented.

  • BondSan

    I never stated “all”. I was careful not to. I also mentioned men’s negative behavior as well, made a point to. Your politically correct stance has been noted. Don’t worry.

  • I appreciate you taking the time to comment on the article!

  • ohwell

    Look at you, misogynist, hateful trash…no wonder you’re a desperate loser who’ll die alone and nobody wanted you.

  • ohwell

    I bet you think you’re a special snowflake because you’re a man…guess what? Let me break this for you: you’re one ugly, boring, average, misogynist, entitled wannabe who thinks being male gives some privilege (no more!!). There’re billions of boring rats like you wasting oxygen and frankly taking you all to one place and nuking you would be a great thing.

  • ohwell

    He’s a misogynist desperado internet troll, no point to explain him about “all” women. His mommy abused him and now he’s mad at “women”. He’ll die alone, take my word. As to women not looking for anyone under 5’9″–that’s not true–but yes, Okcupid doesn’t allow to filter what height or age range people are looking for–which wastes a lot of time.

  • Amen. I couldn’t have said it better myself. This man is essentially Sexism Incarnate.

  • m8 ur a fuckin cunt 1v1 me irl fgt i’ll fuk ya up m9

  • Aura Odum

    To be fair, with the exception of the first and last sentence, his points were pretty fair and he seemed just as ashamed with the men on the site as the women, if not moreso.
    Calling him a desperate loser who’ll die alone is kinda… f*cked.

  • Michael Gorlitsky

    the site has no freedom of thought. every message you send you absolutely have to act like you’re running for president, or you’re gettin closer and closer and closer to the ban.

    a lot of the ban complaints are just a popularity contest.

  • Ariel Morgan

    If that is sexism, then what about the “I drink men’s tears” Shirts all those feminists are about these days.

    The only trolls here are you and ohwell.

    The man had some valid points and his own opinions. He is entitled to his opinion without having to be bashed about it. Especially when the bashers don’t give any explanations as to why he is the devil and why what he said was so sexist.

  • JJ

    He’s right in a lot of points, he even said that men online are also as bad as women. You’re the one answering like self-centered bitch and proving his point on most females, calling him names just because you hated some other man perhaps. Look at your post, butt hurt all over the place, I bet you cried after posting or posted an online pic to get some likes and feel pretty about your fat face.

  • JJ

    What she did is just proving his points on most women being self-centered big egos butt hurt emotional creatures. Seriously look at her post. I replied to her in her reply to him. She seems like an angry child who’s not getting a toy. In her case also “a toy”

  • El Payaso

    Typical man shaming tactics to silence his opinion. “You will die alone”. That’s a female staple of hatred.

  • El Payaso

    Because females don’t talk with logic, they talk with emotion. “I don’t care if what you said is true, it makes me feel bad so you are a misogynistic pr!ck!!1!!1!!”

  • san

    I had this problem too. Okcupid does not respond when I messaged them, but I could get back into my account through a different browser

  • Missy

    Awww…I feel so bad for you driving an hour. She should have given u an explanation. Honestly, as a woman, I tend to do that sometimes. Perhaps bc a guy doesn’t get it when I say no, so ignoring is like an action rather than words. Hope you find your gf. πŸ™‚

  • Missy

    What????

  • Thanks for the well wishes! πŸ™‚

  • Rock Music promotion

    Aye guys, go to https://www.fiverr.com/s2/33e2258a5d

    He can help you out!

    He helped me out no problem!

  • Zef Bridges

    >I bet you think you’re a special snowflake because you’re a man

    That is the opposite of what he said.

  • Malek

    your words are leaded by fear and misunderstanding of women ! your approach is not good because what you want is to take control on them, this make you come like a potential treatment and not a potential partner, women will not let you take control on them by this way and never let you if they don’t trust you deep first ! so you loose control and start being afraid, fear lead to misunderstanding, misunderstanding lead to more fear and here we go ! you take yourself to a place where you are afraid from women and will more be afraid from them, this lead to hate !! the truth is all about control of your mind not control of women ! what your mind believe what your mind want you to believe ,) when you are afraid you are believing your lies, what you need to do is first free your mind and then understand what women want and what women want is very easy to know if you stop being afraid from being yourself and so free your mind, being yourself not the clichΓ© be your self and be confident, being yourself means be your real self, to be your real self you need to stop being afraid !! if women will like you or not, don’t matter at all !! what matter is if you are real or not !! you can be attractive to women only if you are real to yourself πŸ˜‰ you can have any woman believe me understand me and trust me im a man, you can have any women !! im a pick up artist, understand my words read well !! You..Can..Have..Any.. Women !! now feel and understand ; ) disinterest yourself from women !! stop thinking about yourself the way you do !! start thinking about yourself and view yourself like an irresistible man wich is not interested by women !! imagine now you don’t want anything from them, you don’t want sex you don’t need love you don’t need friendship … nothing !! you are free !! how will you talk to a woman now ? imagine just talking with a woman like you talk with your best buddy ! imagine what type of conversation you will have, what do you talk about with your best intim friend ? you talk about sports ? you talk about cars ? you talk about women ? you talk about travelling ? holidays ? places where going out to meet hot women ? your talk about your problems ? okey !! let us see what will happen if you talk the same subjects with women, try and give me your feed back πŸ˜‰

  • Roo Devon Kilgore

    This is happening to me as we speak. It makes no sense. They just completely divorced me. Tossed to the side. I “silenced” or hid/deleted my profile for a few months while I was dating someone (that I met ON THEIR SITE BY THE WAY) and when it didn’t work out, I thought I might try again, as okcupid has helped in finding me a few pretty promising matches along the way-but. Alas. And Alack. It simply refuse to let me sign in. Period. Haven’t forgotten my name or password it just sites ‘technical difficulties’ any and every time day or night I try to sign in again. Fuck that noise.

  • Anon

    You think you’re so special because you’re a woman… guess what? Let me break it to you: you’re a god damn asshole cunt with no entertainment value who thinks that every fucking man is put on this earth to serve you. You’re most likely not funny – your beauty is temporary as fuck (just look at the mothers of super hot chicks – so ugly) – you’re a cunty asshole who trashes men for saying things that you perceive as threatening because they may be true. You think men are so fucking boring? Well guess what. You’re not that interesting either. Literally anything can be interesting if you give it a vagina and big tits. So shut your god damn cunt mouth you fucking bitch. Didn’t think a man would speak to you this way, huh you fat cunt? Well guess what – we’ve been pretending to be nice to you fat fucks because we’re sexually deprived and you’re not and you have no pity for our fucking needs. But I’ve had it with cunts like you. For fucks sake, we might as well just put all of you in a big oven and clone humans from now on cuz I personally would love to make myself a baby.

  • Anon

    What part of it is misogynist trolling? The part where he says that in online dating, men are more disposable than women? Or the part where he says that young women don’t have to do shit to attract men while young men often don’t attract young women without being someone or doing something? Or the fact that as people get older (into middle age), the average number of sexual partners a single man has in a given year increases while the average number of sexual partners that a woman has decreases, even though a woman’s labido increases with age while a man’s decreases – the fact that men on average get more desirable with age? Aww… are you experiencing fears or insecurities about losing your sexual power? How sad. I hope you die in a shallow grave after having been beaten to death and buried by your husband because I would rather be gay and fuck men for the rest of my life than go anywhere near your hideous cunt.

  • Anon

    Look at you, you misandrynist, hateful trash. No wonder you’re a desperate lose who’ll die alone and no man wants you for the disgusting asshole cunt you really are. Go post more shit on Reddit. Come on. You obviously have nothing better to do with your worthless life :-).

  • jackgotney

    Could be you are an over weight pissed off snowflake in a blizzard. Hey plenty of fish in the infinite sea and so many today are bi and polyamorous, or have no head at all (i.e. they don’t use their brains and so the same as not having one). It is a new society of self centered selfie STD magnets heavily photo-shopped. These days, if you are looking for something, be it a used watch, a shared Studio apt., or a a six-pack of genitals for your after dinner enjoyment, there are websites where you can obtain it. Are you sure you want what you are looking for?

  • jackgotney

    Some females think all men are from the same trash mold. With one of these, no man hardly stands a chance. My wife never planned to get married because she assumed all men were like her Italian uncles and cousins. It took some determination to woo her. After 30 years of marriage she still thinks I probably have a wandering eye and she can be proactively jealous. But it is unfair to me as I am truly monogamous. I have no desire for the possible complications and baggage that come with polymorphism or whatever you call it, bi or straight.

  • jackgotney

    Are u from the middle east, or west Africa?

  • Ben Hinman

    These sort of issues will never get fixed because women will never admit the problems with dating, especially online dating, lies squarely on their shoulders. They want to be spoiled, pampered, pandered to, so they love these kind of sites where they can get excess flattery while offering little to nothing in return and they can just block anyone who doesn’t approve. They want the ability to treat you like a pedophile and ban you from society simply because they are not interested, and okcupid grants them that because its whole business model runs on putting women on a pedestal. Can you imagine how many people would use okcupid if it actually worked? 90% of their userbase are terrible females who just came back because they fucking failed at dating and every man who sees how terrible they really are doesn’t want them.

  • Pastern

    I’m a woman. When I was on OK Cupid, what was annoying AF was that I clearly stated on my profile that I’m not looking for a hookup or “good time.” EVERY. SINGLE. person I dated ended up being super impatient for trying to get laid. Three dates and no sex? You’re done… at that point you’re “wasting their time.” OKC is online dating, why don’t guys ever want to talk online? All the convos are the same, “Hey, how are you? I really like your profile. Wanna meet up?” I always say, “Let’s talk a bit online first” and then POOF they’re gone. If you take too long to accept a date, they get too vexed and impatient, like you’re playing some kind of cruel joke on them. Also, when you do meet up, they all want to “go dutch” on the dates which I do believe men/women should share costs but not on the FIRST date. And I found that many of the guys on there complained about girls using them for free meals/drinks. How ridiculous! Like we would really invest time talking to you, getting all gussied up, spending an evening or lunch to get to know you, all for some $7 carne asada fries and beer with a stranger? Are you kidding me? Do you really think women are that cheap? Have more confidence and give yourself more credit. We are there for YOU not for food. I had to quit online dating after a year due to these issues. It’s a waste of time for an eligible female.

  • Pastern

    Great attitude to have. Good luck buddy.

  • I’m not saying all women just use men for free dates, but I did actually go on a date with a girl via OkCupid who openly admitted to me that she was only on the date for a free lunch and was not actually interested in dating me. So….I suppose one thing to keep in mind is there are women out there playing games and perhaps by the time the guy goes out with you, he’s been burned a few times.

    It is absolutely no excuse, I always pay the full tab on the dates I go out and try to be a gentleman, but something to keep in mind.

    The hardest thing I think is communication. Communicate exactly what your expectations are to a guy and if he’s decent he will appreciate and respect that. If not, he’s probably just a moron.

  • Pastern

    Either 1) she told you that because once she met you in person she was no longer interested, and she wanted to offend you on purpose. 2) she was being sarcastic. 3) She is a hooker.

    If she isn’t a hooker, I promise you she was not there for free food. NO FEMALE goes on dates for FREE FOOD. Sorry buddy, you got punked…

    It’s much more lucrative to just be am escort or even panhandling on the street corner. Most people who need a free meal will go to a homeless shelter, a friend’s house, or even mom’s house. They don’t go on OKC as a means to get food. Women are NOT motivated by food. If she really was there for a free meal only, why would she admit that to you? Your story is fishy.

    Just because you’ve been “burned” a few times (i.e. didn’t get laid for payment of the filet mignon she ordered), all future females are now judged. You are only setting yourself back. I can guarantee you every guy on the planet has been “burned” at some point. Get over it, move on, and don’t judge others based on someone else’s behavior that has nothing to do with them.

  • I am pretty sure she was just a cute girl in her early 20s who knew what she had and wanted to use it to get free meals. These women are out there. Having sex for money is on a whole different level than going to the Olive Garden for 30 minutes with someone.